Apology From the Guru

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Allow me to start by saying I am terribly sorry that seven long days passed without me endowing you with the guru's infinite wisdom. I understand that you, my devoted followers (Click the link on the sidebar to follow me!), have difficulty getting through the day without the guru’s frequent insight. In the event that the guru is ever unable to bestow his knowledge upon you, I encourage you to click the newest link on the sidebar "Guru Withdrawal Hotline." This will take you to a place where people will help you deal with your content abatement. Hopefully this extended withdrawal will not occur again. Let me assure you that the guru has been occupied with urgent matters, the likes of which would blow your mind.

But he has a special gift to offer in hopes of softening the devastation his absence has caused. Fully aware that he is jeopardizing his Man Card, the guru has composed a song to the rhythm of Taylor Swift's recent hit, "Love Story." Please enjoy the prelude leading up to the song.

Announced earlier this month, Romeo Crennel has been hired as the defensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs. Crennel has spent the last year enjoying the millions of dollars he's earning by not coaching the Cleveland Browns since his termination in 2008.

Picture the following scene to receive the full sensation of the parody. Crennel arrives at home to his wife, Rosemary, after a long day scavenging the streets of Cleveland for all-you-can-eat buffets. She is talking on the phone and lights up when she sees Crennel enter the house.

Romeo, hurry, Bill Pioli's on the phone

I can't believe it, but he's hiring you

You'll coach the D

And he'll be the GM

It's a miracle, baby, just say yessss.

Romeo, right now, put down the ice cream cone

Weis has got plenty, ask real nice, he'll have to share

Pats reunion

Without Belichick

It's a miracle, baby, just say yessss.